you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
