Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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