I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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