go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
