after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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