Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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