I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize