May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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