im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
