Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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