Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
