I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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