PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
