im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
