Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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