Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
