Can Purell be used as lube?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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