I want to stick my p in your. b.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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