marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
