My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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