Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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