is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
