My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
