Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
