As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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