i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
