he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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