Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
