Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it hurts more in the daytime
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize