Swine flu. Run for my life!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
