I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
