It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
