So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
