You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
