then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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