I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
