Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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