I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
