How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
