You work out of a Hotel?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
