we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
