You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
