I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
