He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
