You just made me feel so damn special
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
