I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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