He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
