Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
