i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize