dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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