took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
