Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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