if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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