I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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