I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
