u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
