why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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