We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
wow bdsm is so cute
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
