First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
