you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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