how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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