1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
