she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
