he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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