I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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