He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
