I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
