Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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