They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
