so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
